Hooksexup Personals

Note: In case you somehow missed it in our shameless self-promotion, we're on the road for the next month on a book tour! We'll be updating our Big Sex Drive blog every couple of days — click here to check out the latest installment from the road. In the meantime, we'll be running some oldie-but-goodie Em & Lo Down columns.

Dear Em and Lo,
Here's the fat and skinny of it. I've just come out of a long line of long -term relationships with a smattering of down and dirty one night stands thrown in between each one. Frankly, I am tired of the hassles of long term commitments, and sick to my stomach over the confusing mindless screwing involved with the short ones.
Is it fair to want to date for the company of someone you enjoy, maybe kiss on the fire escape once in a while, but not have sex? I certainly wouldn't expect my dates to remain celibate on my behalf, I'd just prefer they knock boots with someone else. Is this a realistic request?
Yours,
Doin' Fine in the Self Service Line

It's fair, as long as you're up front about what you're looking for (or rather, what you're not looking for). But be sure that when you say you don't mind your platonic cuddle partner knocking others' boots indiscriminately, you really mean it. (And we really mean it.) Basically, what you're craving can be found in most good guy friends. And since, according to Harry, all guys want to fuck their female friends anyway, they'll probably be "up for" the occasional no-strings make-out sesh on the fire escape. If you don't have any likely candidates, we have the perfect guy for you: see below.
Em & Lo

Dear Em and Lo,
Being single sucks, doesn't it? But not as badly as being in a relationship does. I think the key is being single and getting laid by non-commital but hot partners. But then, those are hard to come by, especially for us males, so we're back to the being-single-sucks thing again. Ah well — I guess if everyone were satisfied you'd be out of work, right?
     It always seemed to me that reasonably attractive (or better) females had the world by the balls, so to speak. You can pretty much pick-and-choose from hot partners, right? Though I suppose you long for fulfilling relationships too...
     Boggles the mind. So, having lived most of your adult lives single, what do you recommend/prefer? Do you pine for that elusive "soulmate"? Do you kick yourself over the one you let get away who, although they seemed insufferable at the time, you now realize (from subsequent years of painful experience) was the best you're ever likely to find (something I've been going through lately)? Or do you revel in your freedom and just keep your eyes (and bed) open for the next young stud?
     I'm wondering because I just don't know what to do myself. After thirty-two years you'd think I'd have this figured out by now.
Living single,
Jason

Listen buddy, getting laid by non-committal hotties can suck too. The bush is always greener. . . So you want to have your cake and eat it out too, huh?* Well, maybe you can. It's not just an urban legend: there actually are women who believe in open relationships. Then there are the polyyamorists — you could be one of them and not even know it. Whatever the case, it sounds like you're going to have to do some serious soul searching before you find anything resembling a soul mate (or soul mates). For the time being, a good girl buddy can give you the freedom to bed young studettes that you want, the regular reality checks you apparently need and the occasional no-strings make-out sesh on the fire escape that everybody enjoys now and then. We have the perfect gal for you: see above.**
Your Gentile Yentas,
Em & Lo

*We even grossed ourselves out with that one. Apologies.
**If you both write us back, saying you'd like to email with the other, we'll get you two in touch.