Being as mysterious as the "special house meat" will work in your favor this week.

It is better to wear out than rust out...in bed.

Someone will invite you to a karaoke party. You should go.

He who never shuts his mouth, eats flies. And he who eats flies has bad breath.

On the sidelines they eat oranges and cheer the players; on the field they score.

Ambivalence is God's way of telling you to keep it in your pants.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder but procrastination just pisses it off.

The question of life is "Why?" The answer is "Why not?" You will get it wrong on the quiz this week.

The first and last love is self-love.

Blow not against the hurricane, but gently against nearby earlobes.

A hot bod clouds one's vision; dirty-dog sex with a hot bod clouds one's brain; and unprotected dirty-dog sex with a hot bod clouds one's genital tract.

Love is like oral sex — just because you give it doesn't always mean you'll get it in return.