You have free reign this week. You can do whatever you want and you'll pretty much get a favorable response. But let's not take this too literally, people. Picking your nose in public and without shame on a first date probably won't guarantee you a second, even though the stars are shining on you right now. However, accidentally tooting in front of a new partner will most likely only endear you to them. Appreciate your power, don't abuse it.

This week, you're going to be moodier than a goth teen who's grounded on the only night the Cure is in town. This is mostly a result of you being confused regarding your feelings toward a certain someone. Of course, in typical moody-teen fashion, you will take out your bad mood on this same "someone." Dude, we'd ground you, too.

Make sure you stretch this week, because you're going to be running away from love — fast — and you don't want to get a cramp.

Apparently "talk will get you exactly what you want" this week. So we recommend setting your sights a little higher than simply using your new-found oratorical skills to order a particularly complicated sandwich at the deli.

What can we say Leo? It sucks to be you this week. You might as well not even bother getting out of bed, at least not for any dates or romantic outings, because you're going to be an emotional wreck. It's like you're drinking that PMS soda, except instead of relieving you of your symptoms it only exacerbates them. So don't make any big decisions or do any heavy lifting.

You know how you've been feeling slightly less commitment-phobic of late? Well, this is about as good as it gets. So jump now into the relationship, go go go go go go go go! Seriously, it's like free-falling from an airplane: shit-scary for a few seconds and then freakin' cool once the parachute opens. Of course, we're not promising you won't break a leg if you land awkwardly...geez, we can't keep control of an extended metaphor for that long.

You want love? Well love costs. And right here is where you start paying...in innovative date ideas. No more dinner-and-a-movie — how uninspired! If you want to impress someone this week, surprise them with a sailboat ride or a weekend at a B&B. Or do your best impression of John Cusack in Say Anything when he stands outside his true love's window with a boom box raised overhead playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"...On second thought...

Ignore what we told all the Virgos in the house: You Scorps are simply not ready for the jump of your life. We recommend chilling in the cockpit and enjoying the complimentary bevvies while you change your mind another couple hundred times or so. This time, you might decide that you'd actually rather land while inside the plane. And that's cool, man. (So we lied. We can take this extended metaphor and run it into the ground if we feel like it.)

Do it! What are you waiting for?! Act now! Don't hesitate! Hurry, hurry! It's do or die! Jump in with both feet! The early bird gets the worm! Why are we shouting?!

We swear we thought we were done with that extended metaphor we employed for the Virgos and Scorpios in the house. But then we read your forecast, Capricorn ("Don't let anyone push you into a commitment") and we couldn't resist. So yeah, when it comes to making that leap, if you're not absolutely convinced that your parachute is in good working order, then don't leap. Duh. Though darned if we have any idea what the "parachute" is in this metaphor. What color is your parachute, anyway?

It's taking every ounce of restraint we possess not to give you a snippet from the extended sky-diving metaphor we used for the Virgos, Scorpios, and Capricorns. But we'll let it go. Really. So here's the thing: You're a little bit nuts. You're into table-dancing, sky-diving (oopsie!), and eating cereal for dinner, you rebel you. You're a little bit rock'n'roll, absolutely no country. So if you choose a partner who's into Marie Osmond, it's not really gonna work out.

How does that picket fence feel crammed up your tush? Not so great, eh? Well, that's what you get for being indecisive. You'll also get someone who may have been a great partner (or at least a great lay) walking out on you. But that's okay, you've got a lot of things going on right now — like having anal sex with fences.