This is a pretty good week to meet someone at a work-related event. So dig deep for your last ounce of company morale and show up for that stupid capture-the-flag event your boss organized "to get everyone pumped." Because who knows? Next week, you might get pumped by a coworker. Or, you could just get fired.

Why you always puttin' up a front? Whether it's throwing around the benjamins, talking smack, or dressing like a pimpmaster or a prep, you're constantly drawing attention to yourself in an effort to impress. But instead of coming across as an ultra-hip mover and shaker, you look more like a two-year-old jumping up and down in a saggy diaper shouting "Look at me! Look at me!" Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? Promise us we're never gonna find you faking. At least not this week.

According to the stars, you'll be so busy "gallivanting" this week that you may forget to take note of all the appreciative attention you've been garnering lately. Gallivanting's a funny old thing, isn't it? When your grandmother says it, she means skipping through fields, and when we say it, we mean playing the field. Anyway, whatever kind of field you're operating in, be sure to stop and smell the poppies.

Go on that Personals date, the one your friend keeps nudging you to pursue. Strangely enough, your short-term memory will impress them. But it's your impeccable long-term memory that will get them into bed.

We're all for monogamy and commitment, but sometimes, when people try to pressure you into it, they can behave worse than the sleaziest used car dealer who claims, "I'm losing money on this deal!" Don't rush to judgement, lest you wind up with a lemon.

Stop making excuses and join in the fun. Get out and take part in some damn social activities. Don't waste time sitting at home alone watching reruns of the Gilmore Girls on Tivo, not when this is such a great week for romance! Now, if that little motivational speech doesn't light a fire under your ass, then maybe it's time to get a happy pill prescription. Or at least some chocolate.

This week, we bring you Libras your most specific horoscope to date. If it rings true, please let us know, because we'll take this gift of foresight to Hollywood and cash in. Anyway, as we were saying: You will find yourself attracted to someone much older than you...or much younger than you. If you offer to help them out in some way (be creative: everybody needs a little help sometimes) you'll find yourself in a position to ask them out. And if you do find yourself in that position, you damn well better ask them out, or else this entire eerily accurate horoscope will have been for naught.

You'll want to push this week, like a pregnant lady in labor. But when you get pushy with love, you start to make faces and grunting noises, much like a pregnant lady in labor. Have you ever watched Maternity Ward on TLC? It's not exactly sexy. This week, you've just got to let the love come on its own. Save the faces and grunting for the miracle of birth — or at least for the sex you'll hopefully get next week as a reward for not being pushy this week.

Like Aries, this week you'll suddenly find yourself attracted to someone you meet via work. Unlike Aries, it's not necessarily a good week for this. If you've got a performance review coming up — or if the "via work" connection is that the hottie in question is married to your boss — then we suggest taking a sick day and staying home to jerk off to soap operas.

Your astrological advice this week comes from the "No Duh" file: "Do the things you enjoy the most and you will end up meeting someone who likes to do the same things as you." The stars must really need a vacation.

Be a stealth bomber in your pursuit of love: Don't just ask them straight out and give them a chance to say no. Instead, focus on becoming their friend so they don't even realize they're falling for you until it's too late. And hey, if our cunning plan doesn't work, at least we saved you from the sting of rejection.

Attend a charity event, volunteer in your community, go to a political rally, tell a stranger they've got TP stuck to their shoe — do anything you consider socially valuable. You're supposed to fall in love with someone while you save the world. If you don't get love, at least you'll have given some. And you can pretend that's all that really matters.