Go to bed without brushing your teeth for once. Hit the snooze button a third time. Leave on the conditioner for a minute longer than the bottle tells you to. You know: go nuts. Most of all, let your heart rule your head. Remember, it doesn't have to "make sense," it just has to be legal and consensual. If anyone questions your state of mind, just tell them that if loving this way is wrong, you don't want to be right.

Your heart will be telling you to make your move, your brain will be telling you to slow down, and your cynicism will be telling you to pull the can of Cheese Whiz out your ass. Don't be a cliché, just be yourself.

Gemini, let's work on our indoor voice, shall we? This whole social butterfly thing you've got going works fine in the bar (or on line at the DMV), but in one-on-one situations, it's a little much. Tone it down a tad once you hit the bedroom, lest you scare away the hotties (or piss off their neighbors).

Don't be afraid of change. Now is the time to let go of the past and move toward the future. Perhaps the future has kabuki, or activism, or BDSM, or underwater basket weaving in it. Whatever change you make will be good for your sex life, even if it's only to make you less bored with yourself so you're interested in self-diddling again.

Yeah, so you're gorgeous, Leo. Whatev. Turns out the hottie you have your eye on actually has depth. Oh, felicity! Unfortunately, it means you can't rely on your, uh, assets this time — you're actually going to have to do some work for once. You know: make a little small talk, display a little wit, prove a little intelligence. You do remember how, don't you?

Secret encounters will develop. Except they won't be so secret. You may find that in fact everyone is gossiping about you this week — and not in a good, envious, she's-in-Time-magazine way, but in a catty, judgmental, she-should-be-on-the-cover-of-Ho-magazine way. So don't get involved with someone who is already attached, slimebag.

This week, karma is your friend. Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself. And no, we're not taking about bum love. We're talking about helping out your single friends, especially those who have been enduring a particularly extended dry spell. We can't tell you exactly how, when, or where (that would be kind of scary), but in the course of helping out a buddy this week, you might just get laid with a little help from your friends.

Whoa, Nellie. You've been wooing with the tenacity of a paparazzi photographer of late. Hang back a little, play it cool — that hottie is not quite ready for their close-up with you yet.

So, Sag, you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news is, that thing you do (you know, that thing) is going to be winning you fans all over the place. The bad news is, you're a terrible decision maker. So you'll probably get lucky, but not as lucky as you might have done, had you chosen better. Hey, ya win some, ya lose some. Better luck next time.

You may be desperate, but no one need know it but us. So go on that blind date and act like like it's no big deal. We won't tell anyone that this could be your last shot at true romantic happiness.

Like Sag, you'll probably get lucky this week, but not in any deep and meaningful way. So enjoy it while it lasts because...oh, look, it's over already! Damn, you're fast.

You'll be in an aggressive mood, like you've just worked out, taken steroids, or watched the first three seasons of The Sopranos on DVD. Therefore, it pains us to tell you that talking will be just as much (if not more) of a turn-on for your potential mates this week as physical advances. Keep the tiger in its cage, put your hair in a sensitive ponytail, and save the alpha act for rough-housing with yourself.